You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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