Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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