bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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