He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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