Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize