I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
