He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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