i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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