grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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