he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
