He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize