nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
