OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
