there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
