he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize