I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
