I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
