turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
