Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
