You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
