i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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