dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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