Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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