oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
