i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
