it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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