I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
