Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
