i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
