so that wasnt chicken after all
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
