The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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