Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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