found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
