I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
