I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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