I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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