Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
