I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
