In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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