We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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