Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
