If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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