i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize