i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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