Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
love makes seman taste better
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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