Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so let's talk penis.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
