My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
