ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
