i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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