Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
