I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
