girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
