shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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