do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
