So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
