The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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