It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
