the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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