so that wasnt chicken after all
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there was a trapeze. enough said
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
