Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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