and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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