That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize