I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
