just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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