Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
