So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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