Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize