you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
