You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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