Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
